A Blast From The Past

Today the phone rang and I saw it was from "Vin Da Bon". I wasn't going to answer it but then I thought, could that be "Vin Da Bonna", the company that makes America's Funniest Home Videos? It was. A long time ago I sent them a video and they did reply but wanted a lot of clearances so I never followed through on it. Seems they want to use my clip in some spin-off called "The Worlds Funniest Home Videos" Talk about something coming out of the blue.

Orioles vs. Athletics 2015-08-17

Natalie got free Orioles tickets from work today. Great seats right behind home plate with a really good parking pass included. Natalie, Mike, Mom and I went. The Orioles won, 4 -2.

From the Baltimore Sun, 2015-08-18

After hitting his first Orioles home run and first in his hometown Monday, Steve Clevenger stood by his locker following the club's 4-2 victory over the Oakland Athletics wearing a huge smile on his face and an incredibly appropriate T-shirt on his chest.

“Just happy to be here. Hope I can help the ballclub,” read the words on his shirt, clichés from the quintessential minor league baseball movie, “Bull Durham.”

It's an old T-shirt, Clevenger admitted, but “it's perfect for today, right?”

Perfect.

Clevenger, a Baltimore native who spent part of his childhood in the Pigtown neighborhood near Camden Yards and graduated from Mount Saint Joseph, said he didn't initially think about the significance of his three-run homer in the fourth against Oakland ace Sonny Gray until he got into the home dugout. And then it sunk in. “I think it's awesome. Playing here in Baltimore is a dream come true for me,” said Clevenger, who was recalled from Triple-A Norfolk on Friday. “To be part of this team right now, help the team get a ‘W' here in Baltimore and get it rolling, it's great. It's an awesome experience.”

It gets even better.

Clevenger is the first Oriole born in Baltimore to homer at Camden Yards, according to STATS Inc. The only other Baltimore-born Oriole to homer here was pitcher Tom Phoebus in 1968 (Damon Buford homered as an Oriole, but never in Baltimore).

This is Clevenger's 10th professional season — something Bull Durham's lead character and cliché-teacher Crash Davis would appreciate — and just his second big league homer. His first came in 2012 while with the Chicago Cubs. He hit it against his former Orioles teammate, Bud Norris, who was with the Houston Astros at the time.

The 29-year-old Clevenger has been with the Orioles for parts of three seasons now — he was part of the trade that sent Jake Arrieta to the Cubs in 2013 — but the reserve catcher hasn't played much for a club that stresses defense. The Orioles always have believed Clevenger's bat was ahead of his glove, and Orioles manager Buck Showalter told him that during spring training.

“I went down to Norfolk this year and I was on a mission down there to get better at catching and get better at every aspect I can get better at,” Clevenger said. “We sat down and talked. They talked to me about what I needed to do down there. And I went down there and I did it.”

Clevenger's .305 batting average at Triple-A was tough to ignore, especially for an Orioles club that was no-hit Wednesday. So, he received the call-up Friday, had a career-best four hits on Sunday and then was the offensive spark the Orioles needed to complete a four-game sweep of the Oakland A's on Monday.

“I can't tell you how hard it is to win four games from the same team, home or away,” Showalter said. “It's hard.”

The Orioles (61-56) maintained their hold on the second American League wild-card spot while moving within three games of the idle Toronto Blue Jays for the first spot.

While Clevenger provided the big blast, Orioles right-hander Chris Tillman did his part on the mound. Coming off a rough start in Seattle in his last outing, in which he was chased in the third inning after yielding five runs, Tillman bounced back against the A's, the American League's worst team.

The Orioles had a surge earlier this season against mostly lower teams like Oakland and everyone all of a sudden was talking "they are taking control of the division" and "no one can stop them" so what happened? Well they started playing teams with better records.

Tillman (9-7) allowed solo home runs to former Oriole Danny Valencia in the second and rookie Mark Canha in the sixth — and just one other hit, a single to Canha in the third. Otherwise, Tillman kept the A's guessing, and the defense behind him busy. He struck out just three batters, but lasted seven innings, picking up his fifth quality start in six attempts.

“It was a grind early on, threw a lot of pitches, kind of dug myself in a hole,” Tillman said. Catcher Caleb Joseph “did an absolutely fantastic job getting me through that. Just the right mix with pitches, and we were able to grind our way through.”

Tillman had pitched just once since July 29 due to a sprained ankle, but said he felt discomfort on only one play Monday.

"There was just one pitch where I felt it. The foot let me know it was there,” Tillman said. “Other than that, for the most part, it was good physically."

Darren O'Day and Zach Britton (29th save) threw scoreless innings to finish the game.

Gray, who was scratched from Thursday's start in Toronto due to back stiffness, might have been rusty after a nine-day layoff.

He didn't look that way early, though. Entering the night with the best ERA in the American League (2.06), Gray retired 11 of the first 12 batters he faced, allowing only a one-out single to Jonathan Schoop in the second inning. He struck the other three batters in the inning.

But a miscue by Oakland with two outs in the fifth, gave the Orioles a chance to reach the 25-year-old right-hander.

Chris Davis hit a ground ball into the shift, but second baseman Eric Sogard, positioned in shallow right field, let the ball squirt through his legs for an error. Schoop singled, making it runners at the corners. Clevenger made the A's pay for the mistake.

Oakland cut the lead to one run on Canha's ninth homer of the season, but the Orioles responded in the bottom of the sixth when J.J. Hardy scored on an RBI double by Joseph.

Gray didn't make it out of the inning, and finished having allowed four runs (one earned) on seven hits and two walks in 52/3 innings. He had lasted six innings in each of his past 13 starts.

It was the first loss for Gray (12-5) since July 17. The A's (51-69) have lost seven straight and finish their season series with the Orioles at 1-6.

The hero of the night was Clevenger, the Baltimore kid who kept working in the minors and who hopes he's making the big league club notice him now.

“I hope so. I hope Buck is paying attention a little bit,” Clevenger said with a laugh.

For what it's worth, Showalter said he is.

“Talking to him very bluntly this spring, I said ‘Go down there and lead the league in hitting. You are going to be holding all the marbles at the end of this year. Present yourself attractively, with everything,'” Showalter said. “And he's done everything at every turn. That's why I'm glad he's getting a return for it. Glad we are, too.”

AVM Visionary Experience

Natalie and I went to the Visionary Arts Museum to see the Visionary Experience Exhibit before it closed. The exhibit included some pastels by Jimi Hendrix from the 50's and a piece by the actor Terrence Howard.

Bengies Drive-In Memorial Day All Night Show 2015

Matthew and I went to the Bengies Drive-In tonight for the Memorial Day All Night Show. We didn't pay the 10 buck to bring outside food in, which was a mistake. I need my thermos of coffee to make it through a marathon like that. And of course, the best movies were the last two (Mad Max and Ex-Machina). I really can't say I saw either one of those, I kept drifting in and out. Fast and Furious 8 was so bad it made Paul Blart Mall Cop II look great.

Paul Blart Mall Cop II

Fast and Furious 8

Mad Max Fury Road

Ex-Machina

It Came From Raspeburg eBook

An anthology of horror short stories I scanned and coverted to an eBook.

Link to download "It Came From Raspeburg" ebook

Area Facebook User Incredibly Stupid

 

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Describing him as frequently frustrated and overwhelmed, sources confirmed Monday that local Facebook user Michael Huffman is incredibly stupid. “I need stuff easy,” said the absolute dipshit, adding that he finds many things confusing, and that those things must be changed so that they make sense to him. “I like looking at things on Facebook, but I don’t understand a lot. Help, please.” At press time, someone had reportedly fixed everything for the goddamn imbecile.

1st Orioles Game of 2014

Today we went to our first Orioles game of 2014. We beat the Indians 4-2. My mother got the tickets from her neighbor Bill. They were great seats, rows 9 and 10 behind the visiting team's dugout, with a great parking pass. Mom, Mike, Karen and I went. Great weather too.

Photos from the Sun by Joy R. Absalon, USA Today Sports and Rob Carr, Getty Images.

1st Night at the Bengies in 2014

Matthew and I went to the Bengies Drive-In tonight. It was Sunday night so it was a double feature instead of the usual triple feature. We saw "Godzilla 2014" and "300: Rise of an Empire". They were both good. I'm glad we went, I didn't make it to a single show in 2013. Also, it was cold, really cold. We were all wrapped up in comforters trying to keep warm. Click on the photos to see the trailers.

Sure, they're a little dirty, and a couple of them look like they're from the 70's but....

FREEPORT, ME—Excitedly pushing past each other as they gathered around the slightly soggy pile, a group of overjoyed local fifth-graders came across several perfectly good naked ladies lying right in the woods behind the baseball field, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Whoa! Look at all of them—you can see everything!” said wide-eyed 11-year-old Joshua Goldstein as he knelt down to closely inspect each one of the fully nude young women lying in a haphazard heap on the ground, before turning his attention to a large-breasted one left draped over a log. “Sure, they’re a little dirty, and a couple of them look like they’re from the ’70s, but after we dry them off they’ll be perfect. They’re still in pretty good shape! Who would just leave them lying out here like this?” After concluding that their mothers might discover the nude women if they brought them home, the boys reportedly decided to tuck the naked ladies under some bushes and come back to look at them later.

So-Called Christian Has Erection

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Alarmed and appalled sources confirmed today that in complete defiance of his biblical duty to live a life that is holy and pleasing to God, local 27-year-old and so-called Christian Jeff Daugherty currently has an erection.

Daugherty, who claims to abide by the word of the Lord and walk in the footsteps of Jesus, is nonetheless now in a state of physical arousal, a development that has sent shockwaves through his community and deeply troubled his fellow churchgoers.

“How could anyone who professes to be a Christian fall to such shameful depths?” said Janet Hindsley, a member of Daugherty’s church who told reporters she was stunned and disgusted at news of the man’s engorged genitals. “I know people are capable of these kinds of ghastly practices. I’m not naïve. But you just don’t expect this sort of sinful behavior from someone you worship with every Sunday.”

“The thought that I’ve probably shared a pew with him before makes me sick to my stomach,” she added, shaking her head in revulsion.

Though Daugherty reportedly reads the Bible almost every day and regularly speaks out about his faith, sources said his present titillated condition puts him repulsively at odds with his assertion that he has accepted Jesus Christ as his savior. While many church members said they are praying for the soul of a man they believe has gone down a dark path, others are calling for the “pervert” and “heretic” to be expelled from their congregation.

According to Darren Howe, who belongs to the same men’s prayer group as Daugherty, this isn’t the first time the purported believer in the Holy Scripture has become erect.

“He confided to me that he gets them at least once a week, and sometimes every day,” said Howe with visible distaste, adding that while he was revolted by the admission, he encouraged Daugherty in his battle to remain pure before the eyes of the Lord. “Apparently he’s even woken up in the morning with one, as horribly depraved as that is. And this is a man who has children! He’s got that… that thing under the same roof as his kids!”

“How could Jeff let his body become an instrument of Satan?” he continued. “He must renounce this evil in his life and repent.”

Fearing Daugherty may bring his tumescent phallus into their place of worship Sunday, some church members have appealed to their pastor, the Rev. Allen Whitlock, to prevent the “insult to all creation” from entering God’s house.

“While it’s true we are all sinners, that doesn’t give us an excuse to live as wickedly as we please,” Whitlock said when reached for comment. “I’ve known Jeff a long time. I’ve had dinner at his house. I’ve prayed with his family at their kitchen table. It unnerves me to think that right there in his lap, out of sight and inches away from me, Jeff might very well have been quietly sinning. Because even if no one else can see it, the Lord can.”

“Do I want a man singing songs of praise in my church while his body is flush with such impurity?” he continued. “No, I do not. It’s an abomination, and it must stop.”

At press time, the pastor stood before a hastily convened vigil outside Daugherty’s house, urging his congregation to pray for the fallen man’s erection to retreat and remain dormant so that he might one day resume his walk with God.

AVAM New Exhibit

Natalie and I went to see the new exhibit at the American Visionary Arts Museum today. It's called "Human, Soul & Machine: The Coming Singularity!" The exhibit was smaller than usual (only half the second floor) but still worth seeing if just for the Christmas room called "Have Yourself  A Happy Robotmas".